Inner Awakening

Tantric Massage Session

The Space Between Sessions

Tag: presence

  • The Space Between Sessions

    The Space Between Sessions

    People ask me what happens in a tantric massage. But the real question is: what happens after?

    The session ends.

    You dress slowly. We sit with tea. There’s quiet conversation – or comfortable silence.
    You leave.


    And then what?
    People think the work happens on the table.
    The touch. The breath. The presence.

    But I’ve learned that the real transformation happens in the days after. In the shower two days later when you notice you’re breathing differently.


    In the moment you set a boundary you would have ignored before.
    In the sudden awareness that you’ve been living in your head for weeks, and your body has been waiting for you to come back.


    Tantric massage isn’t a fix. It’s not a treatment you receive and check off your list. It’s a doorway. And walking through it is just the beginning.


    After a session, people often tell me they feel “different” – but they can’t quite name it. Not happier. Not “healed.” Just… more here. More present. More aware of sensations they’d been numbing for years.


    That’s not magic. That’s what happens when you give yourself permission to simply be, without performing or achieving or fixing anything.


    The body remembers that permission. And it starts asking for more of it. You might find yourself craving stillness instead of distraction. Noticing where you hold tension. Questioning patterns you’ve repeated without thinking.


    This isn’t always comfortable. Presence isn’t always peaceful.
    Sometimes you feel more, not less. Grief you’d been avoiding. Anger you’d been suppressing. Desire you’d learned to ignore.
    But feeling it is different from drowning in it.

    When you have a container – a practice, a space, a memory of safety – you can hold what arises without being consumed by it.


    That’s what stays with you after a session. Not the touch itself. But the felt sense that you can be with yourself. Exactly as you are. Without needing to be different.


    The work doesn’t end when you leave. It begins.


    Namaste

  • Breathing Together: The Practice of Shared Presence

    Breathing Together: The Practice of Shared Presence

    There’s a moment in tantric practice that people rarely expect.

    Before any touch. Before the massage begins. Sometimes even before words. We sit facing each other. Eyes open. And we breathe. Not just in the same room. Not just at the same time.

    Together.

    And in that simple act, two people, breathing, watching, syncing, something profound happens. A door opens. A wall dissolves. Presence becomes tangible.

    The Intimacy We Avoid

    We’re taught that intimacy lives in touch, in conversation, in sex. And it does. But there’s a deeper intimacy that most of us never access:

    The intimacy of simply being seen while being yourself.

    When was the last time someone looked directly at you, not glancing, not scanning, but truly looking, and you allowed it? When did you last hold someone’s gaze without smiling, explaining, or looking away?

    It’s vulnerable. Almost unbearably so at first.

    Because when someone watches you breathe, they see more than your face. They see your nervousness in the shallow inhale. Your guardedness in the held breath. Your softening when you finally let go.

    They see you arriving in your body. Into this moment. Into yourself.

    Why We Breathe Together

    In tantric practice, synchronised breathing isn’t just a technique. It’s a conversation without words. An attunement. A dance of nervous systems finding each other.

    When you breathe with someone, truly with them, matching their rhythm, following their flow, you step out of your own story and into shared space. You’re no longer alone in your head, planning the next thing to say or do. You’re here. They’re here. And for a few minutes, nothing else exists.

    This is what I mean by presence: not thinking about the moment, but inhabiting it completely.

    And breath is the thread that weaves two people into one shared experience.

    The Practice: Breathing Eye to Eye

    This is a practice you can do with a partner, a lover, a friend, or anyone willing to explore presence with you. It’s simple in instruction, profound in effect.

    You’ll need about 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time and a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed.

    Setting the Space

    • Sit facing each other, close enough that your knees almost touch
    • You can sit on cushions on the floor, or in chairs, whatever feels stable and comfortable
    • Dim the lights if possible, or light a candle
    • Silence your phones
    • Take a moment to acknowledge that you’re creating a container for something sacred

    Step 1: Find Your Own Breath (2-3 minutes)

    Before you sync with another, you must first arrive within yourself.

    • Close your eyes
    • Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly
    • Breathe naturally, without forcing
    • Notice the rhythm of your own breath: Is it shallow? Deep? Fast? Slow?
    • Let go of judgment. Just observe.
    • Feel yourself landing in your body

    Step 2: Open Your Eyes, Hold the Gaze (2-3 minutes)

    This is often the hardest step.

    • Slowly open your eyes and meet your partner’s gaze
    • Don’t stare aggressively or look away shyly; find the soft, receptive gaze
    • Let your face relax. You don’t need to smile or perform
    • If you feel the urge to laugh or look away, breathe through it
    • Notice what arises: nervousness, excitement, emotion, resistance
    • Stay. Keep breathing. Keep looking.

    What you’re doing: You’re practising being seen and seeing another without armour, without distraction. This alone is transformative.

    Step 3: Find Each Other’s Breath (3-4 minutes)

    Now the real practice begins.

    • Continue holding eye contact
    • Begin to notice your partner’s breath: Watch their chest rise and fall, their belly expand and contract
    • Don’t try to match yet, just observe their rhythm
    • Notice if they breathe faster or slower than you, deeper or shallower
    • You’re learning their language

    Step 4: Sync Your Breath (5-7 minutes)

    • Gently begin to adjust your breath to match theirs
    • Inhale when they inhale. Exhale when they exhale.
    • It might feel awkward at first, that’s normal
    • Let go of perfection. You’re not trying to control, but to harmonise
    • If you fall out of sync, simply notice and begin again
    • Stay with the eyes. Stay with the breath.

    What might happen:

    • One of you might naturally slow down or speed up, and the other follows
    • You might start breathing in opposite rhythms (you inhale as they exhale), this is called “reciprocal breathing” and it’s equally powerful
    • Emotions might surface: tears, laughter, a feeling of opening
    • You might feel your nervous system calming, your heart softening
    • You might experience a sense of merging, of boundaries dissolving

    Step 5: Close with Gratitude (1-2 minutes)

    • Gradually return to your natural breath
    • Place your hands on your own heart
    • Close your eyes or keep them softly open
    • Bow slightly to acknowledge what you’ve shared
    • If words feel right, a simple “thank you” is enough

    What This Practice Teaches

    Presence isn’t something you think; it’s something you feel.

    When you breathe with someone, you can’t fake it. You can’t multitask. You can’t be half-there. Either you’re breathing together, or you’re not. Either you’re present, or you’re somewhere else in your mind.

    This practice teaches you:

    • To be witnessed without performing – You don’t need to be “on” or impressive. You can just be.
    • To witness without judgment – You’re not evaluating or analysing. You’re simply seeing.
    • To attune to another – You learn to feel someone else’s rhythm, their energy, their state.
    • To drop into intimacy quickly – In minutes, not months, you access a depth of connection that most people never reach.

    When Breathing Together Becomes Sacred

    I use this practice at the beginning of sessions, not because it’s required, but because it changes everything that follows.

    When we’ve breathed together, the touch that comes afterwards isn’t just physical, it’s met with presence. When you’ve looked into someone’s eyes and synced your breath with theirs, a trust forms. A recognition: I see you. You see me. We’re here together.

    But you don’t need to come to a session to experience this.

    You can practice this with your partner tonight. Before bed. Before making love. Or simply because you want to feel closer.

    You can practice this with a friend who’s going through something difficult; sometimes breath speaks louder than words.

    You can even practice this silently, in public, matching the breath of a stranger across from you on the train, sending them presence even if they never know.

    The Invitation

    We live in a world of distraction, of surfaces, of constant doing. We’re together but alone, seen but not witnessed.

    Breathing together is a radical act of presence. It says: I’m here. Right now. With you. Fully.

    Try it. See what happens when you stop talking and start breathing. When you drop the performance and just be. When you let someone see you really see you while you see them back.

    The breath knows the way. You just have to follow it together.

    Presence isn’t complicated. It’s as simple as two people breathing, looking, being. And in that simplicity, everything changes.

    Namaste

    —
    photo:
    Image by Abed Abedaljalil

  • What Tantra Really Is (And What It’s Not)

    What Tantra Really Is (And What It’s Not)

    When I tell people I’m interested in tantra, I watch their faces change. Some smile knowingly. Some look uncomfortable. Some lean in with curiosity that feels… loaded.

    “Oh, so it’s about sex?”

    And there it is. The misunderstanding that follows tantra everywhere. Yes and no. Mostly no. But also, it’s complicated.

    Because tantra has been so misrepresented, so simplified, so sexualized in popular culture that most people have no idea what it actually is. And honestly? I had my own misconceptions.

    So let’s start over. From the beginning.

    What Tantra Actually Means

    The word “tantra” comes from Sanskrit and roughly translates to “weaving” or “expansion.”

    It’s about weaving together all aspects of existence, body and spirit, darkness and light, pleasure and pain, the human and the divine. It’s about expanding consciousness through direct experience rather than through denial or transcendence.

    I see this principle alive in my practice of balancing stones. Finding that perfect point where forces meet and harmonise, left and right, up and down, forward and back. It’s not about forcing or controlling, it’s about feeling, listening, adjusting until you discover the natural equilibrium that was always there, waiting to be found.

    This is tantra. Balance. Union. Connection.

    Tantra is not a single practice. It’s a philosophy. A way of seeing. A path.

    It originated in India over 1,500 years ago as a radical departure from the ascetic traditions that dominated spiritual life at the time. While other paths said “Deny the body to reach enlightenment,” tantra said something revolutionary:

    “The body is not an obstacle to enlightenment. It’s a gateway.”

    The Core Principles of Tantra

    At its heart, tantra rests on several foundational ideas:

    1. Everything Is Sacred

    In tantric philosophy, there’s no separation between the spiritual and the material, the sacred and the mundane. Your body is sacred. Your breath is sacred. Your sexuality is sacred. Your humanness is sacred.

    This means that washing dishes can be a spiritual practice. That eating can be meditation. That making love can be prayer.

    Nothing needs to be transcended or escaped. Everything can be experienced as divine.

    2. Consciousness Pervades Everything

    Tantra teaches that consciousness, pure awareness, is the fundamental nature of reality. It’s not something you achieve or attain. It’s what you already are, beneath all the conditioning and stories.

    The practices of tantra are designed to help you recognise this. To wake you up to what’s already here.

    3. The Body Is the Temple

    Unlike many spiritual traditions that view the body as something to be controlled or overcome, tantra honours the body as the vehicle through which we experience life and awaken consciousness.

    You don’t transcend the body. You inhabit it fully.

    This is why breath, movement, sensation, and yes – sexuality – are all part of tantric practice. Not as indulgences, but as doorways to presence.

    4. Polarity and Union

    Tantra recognises the play of opposites: masculine and feminine, active and receptive, Shiva and Shakti. These aren’t gender roles; they’re energetic qualities present in everyone.

    The practice is about bringing these polarities into balance and union, both within yourself and in relationship with others.

    5. Direct Experience Over Belief

    Tantra doesn’t ask you to believe anything. It asks you to experience. To feel. To witness. To be present with what is.

    It’s not a religion. It’s an experiment in consciousness.

    What Tantra Is NOT

    Let’s clear up some common misconceptions:

    It’s NOT Just About Sex

    This is the biggest myth. Yes, tantra includes sexuality as one aspect of human experience. But tantric sexuality is vastly different from what most people imagine.

    It’s not about performance, conquest, or gratification. It’s about presence, energy, connection, and consciousness. Sex becomes a meditation, a practice of awareness rather than a pursuit of pleasure alone.

    But here’s the thing: most tantric practices have nothing to do with sex at all. They involve breath, meditation, movement, ritual, mantra, visualisation, and deep inner work.

    Sex is one colour in a vast spectrum. Not the whole painting.

    It’s NOT a Seduction Technique

    Some people approach tantra as if it’s a seduction technique or a way to have “better sex.” And sure, when you bring more presence and awareness to intimacy, it transforms. But that’s a side effect, not the goal. Tantra isn’t about getting something. It’s about being fully present with what is.

    It’s NOT Just a Set of Techniques


    Tantra is a philosophy of living, a way of being present with yourself and with others in everyday life.
    It’s not separate from your daily interactions. It lives in how you listen to a friend, how you breathe through a difficult conversation, how you show up with honesty when it’s uncomfortable.
    Yes, there are practices, breathwork, meditation, and ritual. But these aren’t ends in themselves. They’re invitations to bring more awareness, more presence, more aliveness into every moment.
    Tantra is a way of walking through the world, not a destination you arrive at.


    It’s NOT Separate from Ordinary Life


    You don’t need to retreat to a mountaintop or attend endless workshops to practice tantra. It happens here, in your relationships, in your work, in how you move through your day.
    It’s about bringing consciousness to the mundane. Washing dishes with full presence. Listening to someone without planning your response. Feeling your feet on the ground as you walk.
    Tantra is lived between people, in connection, in the messiness of being human together.

    Tantric Practices: A Glimpse

    So what does tantric practice actually look like? Here are a few examples:

    Breathwork

    Conscious breathing to move energy, calm the nervous system, and expand awareness. The breath is seen as a direct link between body and consciousness.

    Meditation

    Not just sitting in silence, but active practices of witnessing, feeling, and being present with sensation, emotion, and thought.

    Rituals

    Creating sacred space, honouring transitions, blessing the body. Ritual transforms the ordinary into the conscious.

    Movement

    Dance, yoga, shaking, anything that brings you into your body and moves stagnant energy.

    Sacred Sexuality

    When sexuality is included, it’s practised with full presence, breath, eye contact, and intention. The goal isn’t orgasm, it’s connection, energy flow, and expanded consciousness.

    Here’s where it gets profound: People ask, “So there’s no penetration? No physical pleasure?”

    The answer might surprise you: Everything that’s pleasurable in ordinary sex can still be present. But once you discover the other dimension of intimacy, the energetic, the conscious, the sacred, those physical acts stop being the point.

    It’s not that you give them up or deny them. It’s that they become less interesting compared to what else becomes possible. You’re not renouncing pleasure, you’re discovering a pleasure so deep, so vast, that what you thought was intimacy reveals itself as only the surface.

    It’s not that you give them up. It’s that they become less interesting compared to what else becomes possible.

    Shadow Work

    Facing the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or denied. Tantra doesn’t bypass the difficult stuff; it moves through it.

    Tantric Massage: Where Touch Becomes Sacred

    This is where my own path intersects with tantra.

    Tantric massage is not an erotic service. It’s not about sexual gratification in the conventional sense. It’s a practice of conscious, sacred touch designed to awaken the body, move energy, and invite presence.

    In a tantric massage:

    • The body is honoured as sacred, not objectified
    • Breath and presence are maintained throughout
    • Boundaries are clear and respected
    • The intention is healing, awakening, and connection, not performance or release
    • All sensations are welcomed, pleasure, numbness, emotion, whatever arises

    Yes, it can include a touch of intimate areas, but always with consent, reverence, and the intention of wholeness, not fragmentation.

    And here’s what makes it different from ordinary touch: The pleasure isn’t absent. In fact, it can be more intense, more expansive than anything experienced through conventional sexuality. But it’s not about chasing that pleasure or making it happen. It’s about being present with the energy moving through the body, with the consciousness awakening in every cell.

    When you receive tantric touch with full presence, something shifts. The body stops being just a body. Touch stops being just physical. You access a dimension where pleasure and consciousness merge, where sensation becomes sacred, where the boundary between giver and receiver dissolves into shared presence.

    The question isn’t “Is it sexual?” The question is “Is it conscious?”

    Why Tantra Matters Now

    We live in a culture that’s deeply disconnected from the body. We’re taught to think our way through life, to control our emotions, to perform our sexuality, to hustle through our days without feeling.

    Tantra offers a different way.

    It says: Come back to your body. Come back to this breath. Come back to this moment.

    It teaches that pleasure isn’t something to be guilty about. That the body isn’t something to be ashamed of. That sexuality isn’t separate from spirituality.

    In a world that fragments us, tantra offers wholeness.

    In a world that numbs us, tantra offers aliveness.

    In a world that rushes, tantra offers presence.

    An Invitation, Not a Destination

    I’m not a tantric master. I’m a student on this path, learning as I go, integrating these practices into my life and eventually into my work with others.

    What I do know is this: Tantra has changed how I relate to my body, my breath, my pleasure, my pain, my aliveness.

    It’s taught me that nothing needs to be fixed or transcended. That I don’t need to be “more spiritual” or “less human.” That the path to awakening runs directly through this body, this breath, this moment.

    And if that resonates with you, if you’re curious about what it means to live more fully in your body, to breathe more consciously, to touch and be touched with presence, then maybe tantra has something to offer you too.

    Not as a destination. But as a way of walking.

    Where to Begin

    If tantra calls to you, start simply:

    • Breathe consciously for five minutes each day
    • Feel your body without judgment, in the shower, while eating, while walking
    • Move with awareness, dance, stretch, shake
    • Create small rituals, light a candle, set an intention, honour transitions
    • Be present with whatever arises, pleasure, pain, boredom, aliveness

    You don’t need a teacher, a partner, or a workshop to begin. You just need willingness.

    Tantra isn’t something you do. It’s a way you are.

    And you can start being that way right now.

    Tantra is not a secret technique or exotic practice reserved for the initiated. It’s a return to what’s always been here: your body, your breath, your consciousness, your aliveness. The path begins exactly where you are.

    Namaste

    —

    Recommended Reading

    Wallis, Christopher D. Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition. Boulder, CO: Mattamayura Press, 2013.

    A comprehensive introduction to classical non-dual Śaiva Tantra, drawing from primary Sanskrit sources. Wallis combines meticulous scholarship with practical guidance, dispelling Western misconceptions while revealing the tradition’s philosophical depth and transformative practices.

    Feuerstein, Georg. Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1998.

    A well-rounded exploration of the Hindu Tantric heritage, covering its history, cosmology, and ritual practices. Feuerstein balances academic rigour with accessibility, offering both historical context and practical wisdom for modern seekers.

    If you want to deepen your understanding of authentic tantra, these books offer solid scholarly foundations. Both are academic yet accessible, rigorous in their research but written for practitioners, not just scholars.

    These aren’t light reads; they’re scholarly works that demand attention and reflection. But if you’re serious about understanding what tantra really is, beyond the myths and misconceptions, they’re invaluable guides.

    —

    Photo: Mateusz Beznic

  • Coming Home, One Breath at a Time

    Coming Home, One Breath at a Time

    People ask where to begin. They’re curious about tantric massage, about deeper embodiment, about reconnecting with themselves—but they wonder: where’s the starting point?

    The answer is simpler than most expect.

    It’s already happening. Right now. Without effort, without technique, without any special preparation.

    You’re breathing.

    The Breath You’ve Forgotten

    We take roughly 20,000 breaths a day. Most of them pass completely unnoticed, automatic as a heartbeat. We breathe shallow, we breathe fast, we hold our breath when stressed, when concentrating, when afraid.

    Our breath becomes a mirror of how we live: rushed, restricted, half-present.

    But here’s what few people realise: the breath is a two-way door.

    Your emotional state shapes your breathing—but your breathing also shapes your emotional state. This makes breath the most accessible tool for transformation we possess. No appointment needed. No special space. No permission required.

    Why Breath Comes First

    Before you ever lie on a massage, before you explore touch or sensuality or release, there’s breath. It’s the foundation. The first layer of awareness.

    You can feel someone’s presence in the quality of their breath. Are they here? Are they holding? Are they allowing?

    A person who breathes shallowly cannot receive deeply. A person who holds their breath holds their emotions, their pleasure, their aliveness.

    Learning to breathe consciously is learning to be present with yourself.

    And presence is where everything begins.

    Breath as a Practice of Coming Home

    You don’t need to “do” breathwork to start. You don’t need a technique or a teacher or a special cushion. You simply need to notice.

    Try this, right now:

    • Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
    • Close your eyes if that feels comfortable
    • Notice where the breath moves
    • Is it shallow in the chest? Deep in the belly? Uneven?
    • Don’t change it yet. Just witness it.

    This noticing—this simple act of attention—is the beginning. You’re no longer lost in thought. You’re here, with your body, in this moment.

    The Three Breaths That Change Everything

    Three breath practices serve as gateways. They’re simple enough for anyone, profound enough to shift your entire nervous system.

    1. The Grounding Breath

    For when you feel scattered, anxious, or overwhelmed.

    • Breathe in through the nose for a count of 4
    • Hold gently for a count of 4
    • Breathe out through the mouth for a count of 6
    • Pause for a count of 2
    • Repeat 5-10 times

    The longer exhale signals safety to your nervous system. You’re telling your body: It’s okay. We’re not in danger. We can slow down.

    2. The Awakening Breath

    For when you feel numb, disconnected, or distant from sensation.

    • Stand or sit with your spine straight
    • Take a deep breath in through the nose, filling your belly, ribs, and chest
    • Exhale forcefully through the mouth with sound (a sigh, a “haaa”)
    • Let the exhale release tension, old energy, whatever wants to leave
    • Repeat 7-10 times

    This breath wakes up the body. It’s like shaking snow off a tree branch—suddenly there’s space, there’s energy, there’s aliveness.

    3. The Presence Breath

    For when you want to simply be here, now.

    • Breathe naturally, without controlling
    • Follow the breath with your attention as if you’re curious about it
    • Notice the coolness as you inhale, the warmth as you exhale
    • Notice the tiny pause between breaths
    • Stay with this for as long as you wish

    This is meditation in its simplest form. No goal. No striving. Just being with what is.

    What Happens When You Breathe Consciously

    At first, not much. You might feel a little calmer. A little more present. That’s enough.

    But over time, something shifts.

    You begin to notice when you’re holding your breath—and you let go. You begin to feel emotions rising—and you breathe through them instead of suppressing them. You begin to experience pleasure, sensation, aliveness—and you allow it, because your breath creates space for it.

    Conscious breathing doesn’t just calm you. It returns you to your body.

    And your body is where everything you’ve been seeking lives: presence, pleasure, healing, connection, truth.

    Before Any Session, There’s the Breath

    In tantric massage, sessions often begin with breath. Not because anyone’s doing it wrong, but because breath is the bridge between the thinking mind and the feeling body.

    When you can breathe consciously, you can be truly present. When you can soften your breath, you can soften into sensation. When you can let your breath deepen, you can let your experience deepen.

    But you don’t need a session to start this journey.

    You can begin right now. With the next breath.

    Your Practice for This Week

    I invite you to experiment. Not as a task, but as a gentle exploration.

    Once a day, for just five minutes:

    • Find a quiet spot
    • Close your eyes
    • Place your hands on your body (belly, heart, wherever calls you)
    • Breathe consciously
    • Notice what you notice

    No judgment. No goal. Just presence. See what shifts. See what softens. See what wakes up.

    The body has been waiting for you to return. And the breath is the invitation it’s been offering all along.

    The path to embodiment doesn’t begin on the massage table. It begins with the breath you’re taking right now. One conscious inhale at a time, you’re already coming home.

    Namaste

  • Touch as Language

    Touch as Language

    Before words, there was touch. It’s how we first learned the world – through skin, through warmth, through presence.

    A baby doesn’t learn love through language. They learn it through touch.

    Through being held. Through warmth. Through the absence or presence of a hand.

    We forget this as adults. We think connection happens through words, through explaining ourselves, through being understood intellectually.

    But the body remembers something older.

    Touch speaks where words fall silent.

    I came to tantric massage from art – from years of working with materials, with surfaces, with the tension between intention and intuition. I thought I understood presence. I thought I knew how to listen.

    Then I learned touch.

    Not touch as technique. Not touch as transaction. But touch as conversation. As language. As a way of asking: Are you here? Are you safe? What wants to be felt?

    In a session, I don’t “do” anything to you. I listen. Through my hands, through breath, through the quality of my attention.

    Your body speaks. It tells me where there’s tension. Where there’s openness. Where there’s a story that wants to be held.

    And I respond. Not with solutions. Not with fixing. Just with presence.

    This is the paradox: the less I try to change you, the more space there is for change to happen.

    We’ve been taught that healing requires effort. That transformation is hard work. That we need to push, force, overcome.

    But sometimes – maybe most times – healing is just permission.

    Permission to feel what’s already there. To be seen without performing. To exist without justification.

    Touch can offer that. Not through pressure or release or technique. But through simple presence.

    I’m here. You’re safe. You can feel whatever you feel.

    That’s the language. That’s the medicine.

    Namaste