Inner Awakening

Tantric Massage Session

Breathing Together: The Practice of Shared Presence

Tag: breathwork

  • Breathing Together: The Practice of Shared Presence

    Breathing Together: The Practice of Shared Presence

    There’s a moment in tantric practice that people rarely expect.

    Before any touch. Before the massage begins. Sometimes even before words. We sit facing each other. Eyes open. And we breathe. Not just in the same room. Not just at the same time.

    Together.

    And in that simple act, two people, breathing, watching, syncing, something profound happens. A door opens. A wall dissolves. Presence becomes tangible.

    The Intimacy We Avoid

    We’re taught that intimacy lives in touch, in conversation, in sex. And it does. But there’s a deeper intimacy that most of us never access:

    The intimacy of simply being seen while being yourself.

    When was the last time someone looked directly at you, not glancing, not scanning, but truly looking, and you allowed it? When did you last hold someone’s gaze without smiling, explaining, or looking away?

    It’s vulnerable. Almost unbearably so at first.

    Because when someone watches you breathe, they see more than your face. They see your nervousness in the shallow inhale. Your guardedness in the held breath. Your softening when you finally let go.

    They see you arriving in your body. Into this moment. Into yourself.

    Why We Breathe Together

    In tantric practice, synchronised breathing isn’t just a technique. It’s a conversation without words. An attunement. A dance of nervous systems finding each other.

    When you breathe with someone, truly with them, matching their rhythm, following their flow, you step out of your own story and into shared space. You’re no longer alone in your head, planning the next thing to say or do. You’re here. They’re here. And for a few minutes, nothing else exists.

    This is what I mean by presence: not thinking about the moment, but inhabiting it completely.

    And breath is the thread that weaves two people into one shared experience.

    The Practice: Breathing Eye to Eye

    This is a practice you can do with a partner, a lover, a friend, or anyone willing to explore presence with you. It’s simple in instruction, profound in effect.

    You’ll need about 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time and a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed.

    Setting the Space

    • Sit facing each other, close enough that your knees almost touch
    • You can sit on cushions on the floor, or in chairs, whatever feels stable and comfortable
    • Dim the lights if possible, or light a candle
    • Silence your phones
    • Take a moment to acknowledge that you’re creating a container for something sacred

    Step 1: Find Your Own Breath (2-3 minutes)

    Before you sync with another, you must first arrive within yourself.

    • Close your eyes
    • Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly
    • Breathe naturally, without forcing
    • Notice the rhythm of your own breath: Is it shallow? Deep? Fast? Slow?
    • Let go of judgment. Just observe.
    • Feel yourself landing in your body

    Step 2: Open Your Eyes, Hold the Gaze (2-3 minutes)

    This is often the hardest step.

    • Slowly open your eyes and meet your partner’s gaze
    • Don’t stare aggressively or look away shyly; find the soft, receptive gaze
    • Let your face relax. You don’t need to smile or perform
    • If you feel the urge to laugh or look away, breathe through it
    • Notice what arises: nervousness, excitement, emotion, resistance
    • Stay. Keep breathing. Keep looking.

    What you’re doing: You’re practising being seen and seeing another without armour, without distraction. This alone is transformative.

    Step 3: Find Each Other’s Breath (3-4 minutes)

    Now the real practice begins.

    • Continue holding eye contact
    • Begin to notice your partner’s breath: Watch their chest rise and fall, their belly expand and contract
    • Don’t try to match yet, just observe their rhythm
    • Notice if they breathe faster or slower than you, deeper or shallower
    • You’re learning their language

    Step 4: Sync Your Breath (5-7 minutes)

    • Gently begin to adjust your breath to match theirs
    • Inhale when they inhale. Exhale when they exhale.
    • It might feel awkward at first, that’s normal
    • Let go of perfection. You’re not trying to control, but to harmonise
    • If you fall out of sync, simply notice and begin again
    • Stay with the eyes. Stay with the breath.

    What might happen:

    • One of you might naturally slow down or speed up, and the other follows
    • You might start breathing in opposite rhythms (you inhale as they exhale), this is called “reciprocal breathing” and it’s equally powerful
    • Emotions might surface: tears, laughter, a feeling of opening
    • You might feel your nervous system calming, your heart softening
    • You might experience a sense of merging, of boundaries dissolving

    Step 5: Close with Gratitude (1-2 minutes)

    • Gradually return to your natural breath
    • Place your hands on your own heart
    • Close your eyes or keep them softly open
    • Bow slightly to acknowledge what you’ve shared
    • If words feel right, a simple “thank you” is enough

    What This Practice Teaches

    Presence isn’t something you think; it’s something you feel.

    When you breathe with someone, you can’t fake it. You can’t multitask. You can’t be half-there. Either you’re breathing together, or you’re not. Either you’re present, or you’re somewhere else in your mind.

    This practice teaches you:

    • To be witnessed without performing – You don’t need to be “on” or impressive. You can just be.
    • To witness without judgment – You’re not evaluating or analysing. You’re simply seeing.
    • To attune to another – You learn to feel someone else’s rhythm, their energy, their state.
    • To drop into intimacy quickly – In minutes, not months, you access a depth of connection that most people never reach.

    When Breathing Together Becomes Sacred

    I use this practice at the beginning of sessions, not because it’s required, but because it changes everything that follows.

    When we’ve breathed together, the touch that comes afterwards isn’t just physical, it’s met with presence. When you’ve looked into someone’s eyes and synced your breath with theirs, a trust forms. A recognition: I see you. You see me. We’re here together.

    But you don’t need to come to a session to experience this.

    You can practice this with your partner tonight. Before bed. Before making love. Or simply because you want to feel closer.

    You can practice this with a friend who’s going through something difficult; sometimes breath speaks louder than words.

    You can even practice this silently, in public, matching the breath of a stranger across from you on the train, sending them presence even if they never know.

    The Invitation

    We live in a world of distraction, of surfaces, of constant doing. We’re together but alone, seen but not witnessed.

    Breathing together is a radical act of presence. It says: I’m here. Right now. With you. Fully.

    Try it. See what happens when you stop talking and start breathing. When you drop the performance and just be. When you let someone see you really see you while you see them back.

    The breath knows the way. You just have to follow it together.

    Presence isn’t complicated. It’s as simple as two people breathing, looking, being. And in that simplicity, everything changes.

    Namaste

    —
    photo:
    Image by Abed Abedaljalil

  • Coming Home, One Breath at a Time

    Coming Home, One Breath at a Time

    People ask where to begin. They’re curious about tantric massage, about deeper embodiment, about reconnecting with themselves—but they wonder: where’s the starting point?

    The answer is simpler than most expect.

    It’s already happening. Right now. Without effort, without technique, without any special preparation.

    You’re breathing.

    The Breath You’ve Forgotten

    We take roughly 20,000 breaths a day. Most of them pass completely unnoticed, automatic as a heartbeat. We breathe shallow, we breathe fast, we hold our breath when stressed, when concentrating, when afraid.

    Our breath becomes a mirror of how we live: rushed, restricted, half-present.

    But here’s what few people realise: the breath is a two-way door.

    Your emotional state shapes your breathing—but your breathing also shapes your emotional state. This makes breath the most accessible tool for transformation we possess. No appointment needed. No special space. No permission required.

    Why Breath Comes First

    Before you ever lie on a massage, before you explore touch or sensuality or release, there’s breath. It’s the foundation. The first layer of awareness.

    You can feel someone’s presence in the quality of their breath. Are they here? Are they holding? Are they allowing?

    A person who breathes shallowly cannot receive deeply. A person who holds their breath holds their emotions, their pleasure, their aliveness.

    Learning to breathe consciously is learning to be present with yourself.

    And presence is where everything begins.

    Breath as a Practice of Coming Home

    You don’t need to “do” breathwork to start. You don’t need a technique or a teacher or a special cushion. You simply need to notice.

    Try this, right now:

    • Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
    • Close your eyes if that feels comfortable
    • Notice where the breath moves
    • Is it shallow in the chest? Deep in the belly? Uneven?
    • Don’t change it yet. Just witness it.

    This noticing—this simple act of attention—is the beginning. You’re no longer lost in thought. You’re here, with your body, in this moment.

    The Three Breaths That Change Everything

    Three breath practices serve as gateways. They’re simple enough for anyone, profound enough to shift your entire nervous system.

    1. The Grounding Breath

    For when you feel scattered, anxious, or overwhelmed.

    • Breathe in through the nose for a count of 4
    • Hold gently for a count of 4
    • Breathe out through the mouth for a count of 6
    • Pause for a count of 2
    • Repeat 5-10 times

    The longer exhale signals safety to your nervous system. You’re telling your body: It’s okay. We’re not in danger. We can slow down.

    2. The Awakening Breath

    For when you feel numb, disconnected, or distant from sensation.

    • Stand or sit with your spine straight
    • Take a deep breath in through the nose, filling your belly, ribs, and chest
    • Exhale forcefully through the mouth with sound (a sigh, a “haaa”)
    • Let the exhale release tension, old energy, whatever wants to leave
    • Repeat 7-10 times

    This breath wakes up the body. It’s like shaking snow off a tree branch—suddenly there’s space, there’s energy, there’s aliveness.

    3. The Presence Breath

    For when you want to simply be here, now.

    • Breathe naturally, without controlling
    • Follow the breath with your attention as if you’re curious about it
    • Notice the coolness as you inhale, the warmth as you exhale
    • Notice the tiny pause between breaths
    • Stay with this for as long as you wish

    This is meditation in its simplest form. No goal. No striving. Just being with what is.

    What Happens When You Breathe Consciously

    At first, not much. You might feel a little calmer. A little more present. That’s enough.

    But over time, something shifts.

    You begin to notice when you’re holding your breath—and you let go. You begin to feel emotions rising—and you breathe through them instead of suppressing them. You begin to experience pleasure, sensation, aliveness—and you allow it, because your breath creates space for it.

    Conscious breathing doesn’t just calm you. It returns you to your body.

    And your body is where everything you’ve been seeking lives: presence, pleasure, healing, connection, truth.

    Before Any Session, There’s the Breath

    In tantric massage, sessions often begin with breath. Not because anyone’s doing it wrong, but because breath is the bridge between the thinking mind and the feeling body.

    When you can breathe consciously, you can be truly present. When you can soften your breath, you can soften into sensation. When you can let your breath deepen, you can let your experience deepen.

    But you don’t need a session to start this journey.

    You can begin right now. With the next breath.

    Your Practice for This Week

    I invite you to experiment. Not as a task, but as a gentle exploration.

    Once a day, for just five minutes:

    • Find a quiet spot
    • Close your eyes
    • Place your hands on your body (belly, heart, wherever calls you)
    • Breathe consciously
    • Notice what you notice

    No judgment. No goal. Just presence. See what shifts. See what softens. See what wakes up.

    The body has been waiting for you to return. And the breath is the invitation it’s been offering all along.

    The path to embodiment doesn’t begin on the massage table. It begins with the breath you’re taking right now. One conscious inhale at a time, you’re already coming home.

    Namaste